


and when it hits you

by Anonymous



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Gen, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:02:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24506608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It takes him a while to realize what he's done.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Anonymous





	and when it hits you

**Author's Note:**

> kind of like a character Introspection/study of akechi's thoughts after he did his first murder/mental shutdown
> 
> i didn't write this for his birthday but i thought i could post it today as celebration! happy birthday to my favorite pancake boy, here have some angst!

He comes back to his brand new apartment, a five minutes walk from the station, like it was just any normal day, except he felt tired to the bones and his stomach was churning too much for him to buy anything from the convenience store just near the apartment complex.

But when it hits him, his first instict wasn't to cry, wasn't to scream and shout and howl with the same anger he does when he calls out Loki's name. Instead he laughs, laughs long and hard, that unbidden tears come at the corner of his eyes from the weight of his laughter, digging deep into his chest as he gasps for air for in between. He laughs, and laughs, filling up the silence of the big empty room.

And then, when it's over, only then, does he cry.

Silent, big fat tears rolling down his cheek. He doesn't care if anyone comes in and sees him (there's no one to barge in) and he doesn't care if he wastes hours staring blankly at the off white ceiling of his roo.

He cries because he realizes as of today, was a murderer.

" _Kaa-chan..._ ", the childish thought passes through his mind. He doesn't know what he wants to say, to this imaginary version of her, a version borne from the childish notion of thinking she's watching in the afterlife.

Would she disappointed?

Would she be sad, that he got himself in this mess?

Or would she feel nothing, like the last few days of her life, where her smile never reached her eyes no matter how much he made sure to tell her he loves her?

Goro doesn't know. And Goro doesn't ever want to know.

When he shakes himself from his stupor, it was already past midnight. He doesn't know if he can try to catch some sleep, and he has no motivation to try and catch up with schoolwork. Instead he stands up, his aching body not any better from the hours he spent doing nothing.

He puts away his equipment, storing his toy gun and saber, and, in a fit of indulgence, shuffled to the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water, cleaning himself as quick as possible before dipping in when it was almost full. He lets himself soak a little longer in the tub, pretending he was still little and hiding out in the bathhouse, pretending that his only worry was how long he had to stay there before he can go home.

To think for the past days he felt special. Granted powers by a god to take justice in his own hand.

But today, he was brought back down to earth, and brought even lower. He was no better than anyone else, no better than the trash of society sitting in jail. He was no hero, and he will never be one like the way he wanted to be.

This time no matter hown long he stays in the water, he will never be clean— he won't ever be rid of the blood from his hands. And no amount of tomorrows will ever wash them away.

He only hopes that one day when he succeeds in his plan, that the last blood he spills will be enough to pay for his sins.


End file.
